just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
