I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
