Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
4 words: hood of his car
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
