dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
