My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
