We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
