I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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