I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
