wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
