Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize