Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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