You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
