Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
