Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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