My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My ass is underappreciated
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
