your parents love me but you hate me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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