I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
