On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize