I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
