Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
