I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
