hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
