too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
