Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
