I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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