Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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