her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
