I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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