Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
