Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
