So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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