dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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