I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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