well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
