I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
