I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
