this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
