Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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