Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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