Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
