So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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