i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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