she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
