i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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