Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
