Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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