he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
