end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His nipple licking is glorious
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