Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
