I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
