I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
