I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
