turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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