like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
