i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize