We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
