Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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