Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
