Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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