I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
