You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
