Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I CAN MOONWALK!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
