i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
