butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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