shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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