Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
