Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
