you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
