I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize