I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
someone threw a dead crab at me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
