Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize