I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
