remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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