i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
