I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
