If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
