I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
