I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
