discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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