That's intense
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i'm inner monologue high
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
