anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
