Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
