i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
