mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
