Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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