i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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