I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
its liver damage thursday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
