I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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