We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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