READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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