I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
